


She Looks Like John

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave unknowingly dates girls that look like John, F/F, I don't know, Is that even a ship?, M/M, Mentioned Porrim/Latula, Mentioned katnep, One is literally named "Jonna", Rose's POV, and act like John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 05:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't understand, for the life of you, how your brother doesn't know that every girl he dates are simply female copies of John.</p><p>It is funny to watch him inch closer to a carbon copy of John (but female), though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Looks Like John

**Author's Note:**

> based on this cute lil' comic: http://pieofpie.tumblr.com/post/125883175902/ 
> 
> (got the link thanks to an anon!)

The first girl Dave introduces to you is named Cora.

She smiles sweetly; coils a black hair around her finger, shuffles nervously from foot to foot. Her electric blue eyes all but glow beneath the fluorescent lights, though the bulbs are slowly dying and are in dire need of replacement. You say nothing to her for a few moments, only rake your blistering violet eyes over her form - she says not a word. You can tell by the way her smile looks forced that she finds you intimidating, but that hardly bothers you.

“Hello, Cora,” you speak after a short silence. Her once tense shoulders slump, and she breathes what you recognize as a sigh of relief. “Pleased to meet you.”

A nervous giggle escapes her lips, covered in lipstick blue as John’s pesterchum font. “Uh, same to you, Rose. I’ve heard a lot about you from Dave!”

You quirk your lips into a sly grin, your gaze flickering to Dave. You’ve been his sister long enough to know that beneath those treasured shades of his, he’s glaring with the fire of a thousand suns; you could care less. “Oh? I am to assume they were all good things, then.”

Cue another nervous chuckle. “Of course! Dave spoke so highly of you that I was so excited to finally meet you, and I still am - except you’re kinda intimidating.”

She clamps her mouth shut like she’d insulted you.

You titter.

“Dave always did choose the most awful liars,” you say offhandedly. Dave has his head tipped now, eyes burning like embers as he tries to glare a hole in your head. Cora doesn’t notice; you resist the urge to comment on how he always did like the most oblivious ones. “Dave has never spoken highly of me. There isn’t a need to lie about what you’ve been told. But enough about me! What about you? Am I the only friend of Dave’s you have met thus far?”

“Yep! But he’s told me a lot about Jade, and she sounds really cool.”

You raise a brow, and Dave gives you a look that reads, “drop it, Lalonde.” It would frighten anyone else, but you’ve become immune. “Only Jade? Nothing of John?”

“John?” Cora echoes, tilting her head. She resembles a confused kitten. “Who’s that?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Dave coughs to cut you off. “My best bro. Sorry I didn’t tell ya’ about him, Cor. We can meet him before Jade if you want.”

A wily smile tugs at your lips. You know exactly why Dave didn’t tell her about John; and you find it most amusing. Cora is blabbing about how she wants to meet all of his friends, but Dave is paying little mind to her - he opts to glower at you over his shades. You only pass him a smile, forging it to look as innocent as possible, but you can tell he isn’t buying it. Then again, when has he ever? This is Dave you’re talking about, after all.

Cora inhales and then exhales. “Let’s go meet John!” She cheers breathlessly, probably worn out from all of the talking she’d been doing for the past few minutes. Dave nods once, grabs her hand, and leads her to the door - the last thing you see before he slams it behind them is his eyes, burning like a searing fire.

* * *

The second girl Dave introduces to you is named Grecia.

She resembles Cora in most ways; same pitch black hair, wide blue eyes, grin that is mischievous but sweet all at once. The difference is, she does not cower before you - instead, she stands tall, hand held out for you to shake. You decide that you are already more fond of her than you’d been of Cora, but you know the relationship won’t last long. Still, you shake her hand and muster the kindest smile possible, gently saying, “I’m Rose.”

“I’m Grecia. Nice to meet ya’, Rose. Heard a lot about you.”

You hum and lean forward on your elbows. “All bad things, I assume?”

Rather than lying, Grecia nods. You laugh quietly, shaking your head. Dave’s stepped it up a notch, inching closer and closer to the person who he really wants, personality wise. You find it endearing, mostly because you don’t think Dave is aware that he’s doing it. If he were, you know he would put a stop to it. “I appreciate your honesty, Grecia. Am I the first person Dave brought you to meet?”

“No, he took me to see Dirk first,” she responds. “Said you fucked his last relationship up.”

You give a half-shrug, smirking coyly. “Perhaps. Though, I would never do something so crude purposely; especially to my dear brother.”

You can feel Dave’s eyes on you again, and when you toss your gaze his way he is indeed trying to burn a hole in your head again. “Say, Grecia. Has Dave told you about John? His best bro, the pranking master. Oh, I’m sure the two of you would get along just swell.”

Grecia grins widely, and Dave squeezes his eyes shut. “Shit, he didn’t tell me about John! Man, I love pranks. You gonna take me to meet him, Dave?”

His eyes read “no,” but he says, “Yeah.”

You hum and tap your fingers against the desk as they’re leaving, and just as the door is closing behind the pair Dave gives you the finger. You simply smile and lean back in your chair. Progress is progress, even if you’ve got to deal with a pissy brother in the meantime.

* * *

The third girl Dave introduces to you is named Jonna.

You breathe a laugh right as she tells you her name; she looks taken aback, but she tries not to let it show much, though the emotions flash clear across her face. She resembles the two girls prior, but her black hair is instead separated into two matching braids, and her shockingly blue eyes glow behind a set of thick-rimmed glasses. The grin she gives you is an uneasy one, but you note her teeth just barely jut over her bottom lip - just enough to be called “buckteeth.”

“I am interested to hear,” you say, leading her to a seat. She throws a nervous look to Dave, who merely shrugs. “What your hobbies are?”

She laughs through her nose, high and nasally. You raise an eyebrow at Dave, who does nothing more than tilt his gaze away from you. “Uh, well, pranks! I like pranks, a lot. Biology isn’t much of a hobby, but it’s my major in college. I also like to tell jokes sometimes, but I’m not too good. Not really that funny.”

You honestly cannot _believe_ Dave.

“Say, has Dave told you about his best bro, John Egbert?”

Blue eyes widen. Jonna looks like a deer caught in headlights. “No, but I have biology with him! It’s funny, everyone thinks we’re related - you know, John and Jonna, black haired, blue eyed, bucktoothed dorks who love biology. We’re really good friends! Why didn’t you tell me he was your best friend, Dave?” She leans back and angles her head toward Dave, and you lean forward on your elbows, chin in hand.

“Yes, Dave. Do tell.”

He’s glowering again, and you titter. “Didn’t think about it. Sorry, Jon.”

“That’s okay. Hey! Why don’t we double date with him and his girlfriend?”

You open your mouth to speak, but Dave cuts you off. “He’s single.”

“But that isn’t a problem,” you speak quickly, quirking a grin when you catch the caught-off-guard look that crosses Dave’s face. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if the two of us went together, strictly platonic. I’ve got a girlfriend of my own, Kanaya. However, I don’t see why us tagging along platonically isn’t alright. What do you think, Dave?”

He’s glaring at you, and you know he isn’t on board. But Jonna sticks her lower lip out, pouting, and you know he’s going to cave. That’s the same look John gives him when he wants something; to win a game, a drink, his cell phone he forgot across the room. Dave’s always been a sucker for puppy dog eyes and pouts, and it doesn’t take long for him to accept defeat.

He exhales shallowly, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay.”

Jonna hugs him.

* * *

The date goes like this:

The four of you buy tickets to a horror movie, though John hates them. Sadly, he had been outnumbered three to one, so he stood no chance. You chatted with him while Jonna and Dave bought snacks, Jonna latched to Dave’s arm the entire time. You only tune into what John is saying every now and then, too busy focusing on your brother and his date. It hadn’t surprised you he’d been dragging in girls exactly like John, but you didn’t think he would ever bring back one with the feminine version of John’s own name. In fact, you recall Dave calling her “Jon” as a petname. You wash down a laugh with some Coke.

There’s no fight over seats once you’re inside the theater; Dave sits between Jonna and John, and you sit at John’s side. John steals popcorn from Dave when he isn’t looking, too busy yammering with Jonna to be guarding his popcorn. You end up messaging Kanaya before the start of the movie (I have been forced to see a movie with gore and blood, come save me) and are thoroughly shocked to receive a response (Hold Tight, Rosey - I Am Coming To Your Rescue) and are even more shocked to see your girlfriend strolling into the theater, her brother and sister and their and girlfriends in tow.

“I have come to rescue my dearest Lalonde.” Kanaya says, smiling smoothly. She steals the seat next to you, sips your soda, and grabs your hand. Her brother Karkat is griping to his girlfriend Nepeta about something on the other side of her, and she seems to be hanging on to every word that leaves his lips; absolutely lovestruck. Her sister Porrim isn’t saying very much, too busy in a heated lip-lock with her girlfriend Latula.

How wonderful.

The movie starts up with a jumpscare, and while you’d been expecting John to cling to your arm, he is not. You take a quick peek out of the corner of your eye and smile; he is hanging onto Dave’s arm, and Jonna is glaring fiercely at him. Likely because Dave doesn’t even have his hand locked with hers, but he _is_ rubbing comforting circles on John’s back.

Halfway through the movie, Jonna seems to snap out of her obliviousness. She rises swiftly, dumps her soda and popcorn on Dave, and stamps away. John’s eyes are wide, but Dave remains stoic as ever.

“Didn’t like this shirt anyway,” he says, and your little group sits quietly through the rest of the movie.

* * *

 

“Have you asked John out yet?” You question one day.

“What? No, why the fuck would I do that?”

You snicker. Of course you’d called it correctly. Dave had no clue the girls he’d been choosing were female replicas of John, but you had. “I thought you may have at least had a clue you’d been skimming the world for feminine copies of John, but I always thought there was the slightest chance you were clueless to what you had been doing,” you respond. “The latter turned out to be the right option.”

He’s already halfway out the door by the time you’ve finished, and when you call to ask him what he’s doing, he responds, “Going to get my goddamn best bro to be my boyfriend!” and you titter once the door is shut tightly behind him.

* * *

 

The fourth ~~girl~~ boy Dave introduces to you is named John.

There is no need for greetings; you’re already friends. He giggles, high and nasally, and runs a hand through his mess of black hair. His blue eyes glow with mischief beneath the fluorescent lights, though they’re in dire need of replacement and shouldn’t have the capability to light someone’s eyes up as they are. He nips at his bottom lip with those buckteeth of his, chuckles arily, and goes, “Hey, I’m fucking your brother.”

Dave punches him in the shoulder.

You quirk the smallest of smiles, set your chin in your hand, and lean forth on your elbows. “I will never say anything weirder than I am about to,” you say. “But I am glad you are fucking my brother. It took long enough.”

John laughs, Dave flips you off, and they kiss.

You smile delicately and continue knitting a sweater for Kanaya.

**Author's Note:**

> i have several things to update, but with vacation coming to an end and me feeling sick yesterday, i haven't yet. so i wrote this for the meantime.
> 
> also! i would like to make it clear that i DO accept prompts, but do not have a tumblr. i have been debating making one, but that would ONLY be if people actually wanted me to write things for them and would feel comfortable sending their prompts to tumblr. otherwise, no dice.
> 
> (i also have two other things i need to write; prompts.)


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